Saturday, 7 March 2015

An open letter to those who choose to cast judgement over young moms/dads or those who just don't get it...

Hey Everyone,

I just want to say a big hello to all my new readers and followers on Facebook and Instagram and wherever else you may be reading this post from :)  Thank you so much for your support and welcome to my blog. 
Today's post is a little different to what I'm used to writing its a bit more serious but something I have been wanting to write about for quite a while now and I've finally been able to sit down and gather all my thoughts on this matter.  It's going to be a long one so sit back relax and enjoy a cuppa! :)

I was 20, moved out with my boyfriend pretty much thought I had the world figured out and how my life was going to go.  I was pretty much living as a grown up apart from having an empty bank account and not having a single care in the world.  Everybody has 'that plan' of how they think their life is going to go and I'm pretty sure unless you possess some sort of magic powers that allow you to control every aspect of you life its not going to happen the way you want it but that's okay because it's happening the way it is supposed to I truly believe that.
I honestly don't think I ever even thought about my womb until the day I found out somebody was moving in and going to be inhabiting it for the next 9 months.  It was a shock but me and my boyfriend were thrilled and over the moon with excitement.  

I always knew I wanted to be a young mom and something I dreamed of always becoming.  I get that other young people want to travel or grow a massive career and in their words 'gain life experience' but isn't that exactly what I'm doing to.  I gain life experience every single day looking after and caring for someone else these experiences are shaping me and the person I am. I don't need to travel half way across the world to figure out who I am, what kind of person I want to be or gain experience because I know exactly who I am I'm Cailan's mam, I'm a devoted girlfriend a home maker, with a childcare qualification but training to be a make-up artist and I don't understand why people find that hard to understand!  Don't get me wrong not everyone has these views its a small minority but I thought I would write an open post to them and hope I can shed some light on their dark cast of constant judgement on others. 

Everybody has different experiences in life so why should my decision to be a young mom looked at negatively or judged by someone else what gives them the right?  If you want to travel, that's amazing don't feel bad for me because you think I can't, of course I can, I just have 1, soon to be 2 (please god), little people to share the experience with too.  Also when my family's rared and your dealing with tantrums and the terrible twos and moody teenagers I'll be laying on some beach ,at the age when they say life really begins, reading your facebook status's of how you haven't slept in weeks I will feel your pain... from 1000's of miles away.  So please don't feel bad for me now.
 If you choose to focus on your career and put a family on hold until later in your life that's also amazing but that's your life not mine it's not something I want to do.  I always wanted to be a mom I can't tell you how proud and happy it makes me to wake up every morning knowing I get to be cuddled and so unconditionally loved so much by someone else.
Everybody has the right to chose what path of life they walk down just because it's not the same one you chose doesn't make it the wrong one.

I haven't always been this strong minded at the beginning I had serious anxiety certain people in my life walked away, others judged, while most were supportive I couldn't help but focus on the negative and I hate that I felt a certain shame in my decision to be a mom so young I was so conflicted because I finally was at the point in my life where I was truly happy but yet some weren't truly happy for me! Why? I just didn't get it?  People were sharing pictures on social media saying 'like' if you got through 2013 without having a baby or putting up statuses of jesus everybody's getting pregnant these days. Seriously?  Spare a thought for all the hard work we do every single day.  
Don't get me wrong either I was not only judged by people who knew me but also by strangers too.  People who had never met me a day in their life but somehow struggled with the sight of my big round belly or bare ring finger.  I'm sure other young moms and dads can surely relate to this have you ever had someone say....

''Ah hes not yours is he? You only look like a baby yourself?'' or ''You look to young to be a mom'' or  ''Aww your little brother is so cute...''  Well know actually rude lady on the bus he's my son, is what I wanted to say but instead I just blushed put my head down and looked away.
I heard all these things as a new mom maybe some weren't meaning it to sound rude or come across rude but when your dealing with that anxiety from the start its hard not to feel judged. 
I only wish I knew what I know now.  Some adults and others alike feel insecure and therefore judge other people but that's not a reflection of us or the life's we are living it is a reflection on them and the life they choose to live.

All you need to look at is how happy my son is every single day.  Surely that's all that matters I must be doing something right.  So if your are a young mom or dad who is struggling a little bit know your not alone a lot more of us deal with the same thing its just never really spoken about and I don't know why? 
Or if your the person who may have had an opinion or felt a certain judgement on young parents I hope you understand a little more and choose to judge a little less or hopefully not at all because  we choose to live the way we do because we want to.
If you are struggling or have any questions related to anything in this post don't hesitate to write to me in private message you will find me on any of the links below, I know a few of you have already, with things like you have know one in your life that you can relate to or that your friends have turned against you or certain people don't agree with your decision.  Listen up it's not your problem it's theirs and everyone should have someone they can talk to and relate to so instead of judging or just not understanding reach out and be there don't turn your back.

I know this was a long one guys but I feel so strongly about it, thanks for sticking with me.


Until next time,
Lisa.
x

P.S you will also find me on the following...
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02:37 / by / 5 Comments

5 comments:

  1. Had my first at 21 second at 23 so I know exactly where you are coming from, there are a lot of people who need to learn to think before they speak or just keep it to themselves, it's nobodies business how old we are anyway and once our babies are happy and healthy sure that's all that matters xxx

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    1. Absolutely that is all that matters at the end of the day. Once our baby's are happy and healthy the nothing else should matter but unfortunately to some people that's not the case.

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  2. Well done on this post Lisa. I became a mum even younger than you are now and I know too well the judgemental looks and comments. I went to a play group one time with 2 of mine and first thing a woman said to me was after looking me up and down was 'oh you look too young to have kids' I just left because it seemed the tone of all the mothers there because I was the youngest and didn't seem to 'fit in'
    I have 3 kids altogether now and still get funny looks in shopping centres or judgemental comments like what you said above.
    The age I am as a mother shouldn't matter to anyone it's no ones business, I love my children just as much as a woman say who might be older and main thing is they are happy well cared for and loved dearly.
    Chin up and huge congrats on baby no.2 such an amazing experience when you give your first a little sibling :)
    xo

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    1. Thank you very much :) Its not fair that we have to deal with this unfair judgement at all. More people should definitely speak out about it for 1, to know others are not alone and 2, to make people more aware! I can not wait to give Cailan a little brother or sister its such an exciting time he or she will be here in know time :) xx

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  3. I could of written this post! I'm 24 and have two boys (3&1).. I was told my life would end having a baby but IT BEGUN! There's a particular man who I see in the street who makes comments like 'there's that girl who has two kids but looks about 12' and it boils my blood. Since when did age make you a good parent? Or give someone the right to judge you? .. Hats off to you lovely xxx

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