Welcome Back Everyone,
So this is a continuation of my birth story. So many of you reached out after part 1 so I'm looking forward to sharing part 2 with you. If you happened to miss part 1 just CLICK HERE and give it a read first before you continue to scroll your way down!
So I'm finally on my way to my own labor room where I was going to give birth. Lee and my midwife accompanied me as I was rolled from the waiting area to my room. I remember looking around in pure awe! There was so much for my eyes to look at I simply couldn't keep still wiggling and worming around as I eyed the room up and down. The one little area my eyes were drew to was the little bed which was all set up for my little arrival. I couldn't help but tear up with pure joyous emotion. I was an absolute ball of emotions at this stage, by the way, but at this point I just broke! I remember my midwife asking was the pain too much but not being able to get out my words to tell her that I was just so happy! I was finally going to meet the little man that was keeping me up with his kicks and flips and making me feel a love that was so strong that there would be nothing in this world that would ever break it! I knew I would not be leaving this room without my baby or so I thought...
I finally got myself together, explained I was just being a sap and that the pain was fine with the intake of the gas and air. Again we were just waiting on a doctor to come and check to see if I had dilated anymore since he last checked. I was full sure I did the contractions were after stepping up a notch or 2 and so did the pain. Lee sat with me as we waited. We chatted about how our lifes are so close to changing, what we think he will look like and taking bets for what we thought he would weigh, I imagine this is the usual conversation in a labour room! Haha.
Finally the doctor arrived into the room. He had a big smile on his face and he turned to me and said 'Let's see if this baby wants to come out!' I remember laughing and saying lets hope so. He done the check and I knew by his face the news wasn't what I was hoping for. He said there's not been much change at all! I remember nearly choking on the nozzle as he said it. I was devastated and so down heartened by it. The decision was made to brake my waters.
(I completely forgot to let ye know in part 1 that they discovered that my back waters had broken. Yup there's such a thing and that's what I felt the night before. Which led me to go to the hospital in the first place.)
Anyways he said he wasn't sure if he would be able to brake them but he was going to give it a go to see if it helped move things along as the gel I was induced with earlier that morning hadn't really seemed to work. He told me I might feel a slight discomfort once they were broken. SLIGHT!! was not the right word to use. In a room full of of doctors, nurses my midwife and Lee my waters exploded! This is something they are used to seeing multiple times a day I'm sure but that thought doesn't enter your head as your waters are flooding over the sides of the bed and being soaked up through your nightdress. This maybe to much detail guys so I apologise if your feeling squeamish but its just real life! I tried to put my best poker face on but secretly I was dying inside! Lee was looking at me with a face of reassurance but I could hardly look at him straight. As far as couples go we were pretty comfortable around each other but this just took the biscuit!
I felt so uncomfortable as my midwife and another nurse mopped and cleaned around me as best as they could but with every slight movement I made it gushed out of me once more. The word sorry was never more fitting in my whole life. They were super nice and were constantly reassuring me that this was normal and it happens all the time. However I just couldn't take comfort in their words!
As I sat there Lee tried his best to distract me by chatting to me once more, about everything and anything and we did. Time seemed to fly by! The contractions were getting stronger again and the pain was becoming harder to deal with. I was no longer just breathing in the gas and air I was inhaling it like my life depended on it!
My widwife began chatting to me about an epidural, was I aware of it? and had I thought about getting one? The honest answer was I never really thought about pain relief going into this whole experience. As I mentioned to prepare myself I had watched one born every minute and was convinced I knew how it was going to go. I took no anti-natal classes which I really regretted afterwards but that is as much knowledge as I had. She briefly ran through the steps of getting one and asked me did I want the anesthetist to come in and have a chat with me. She also told me I have at least another 12-14 hours of labour ahead of me judging by how I was progressing so this was the turning point for me. There was no way I will last another 12-14 hours as the pain was only getting worse and I was so tired from not having slept the past two nights. I didn't want to get to the point of pushing and being to tired to do so.
A junior anesthetist made his way into the room and took a seat down beside me. He explained all the pros and cons and to be honest he kind of scared me with the negatives but assured me that these are only in extreme cases but they are something I have to be aware of if I do choose to go ahead with it. With hesitation but knowing it really was the best thing for me at the time I went ahead and agreed. He went off and came back with a trolley with the needle and all the other bits and pieces that were needed. I was turned to face Lee sitting off the edge of the bed and yes you guessed it as I moved I was still leaking water! Lovely! Lee hunkered down to my level and embraced me as I was shaking. I was like someone who had just been pulled from the middle of artic sea. My nerves weren't helping me as I was told to stay super still so he could administer it with complete precision but I was more like a jack hammer sitting on the bed. Lee again being the absolute star that he is tried to distract me and calm me down as the anesthetist inserted the tube first and then began attempting to administer the needle. Quite a bit of time passed and he was still there trying to put it in. I was trying my best not to move but I have the worst tiggles on my back. I'm not sure what was going on or what exactly happened but the anesthetist just stood up and said he was sorry that he was unable to find the right spot. I immediately started to freak out assuming the worst. Was I paralised? What the hell was going on? This was the first point during my labour that I felt like I no longer had control. He left and the head anesthetist came in to me a few minutes later.
I was still sitting at the edge of the bed more scared then I had ever been. She said she was in to finish off the job that this happens occasionally that I'm not to worry and she would have it in for me in no time. I just kept saying that I was fine that I would do without it at this stage that I was just too scared. She sat with me and reassured me that everything was fine and that she would have it in as quick as she could. She gave me her word. I reluctantly gave in but knowing how bad the pain was at this stage I was willing to try anything. To be fair as soon as she began it seemed to be over. The whole ordeal was finally over. I was so relived. As I layed back the epidural took about 20 minutes to come into affect and before I knew it I was essentially pain free. I won't lie not being able to feel my legs completely freaked me out but I was finally able to sit back and relax and get back to enjoying my experience and another plus I know longer felt my waters around me! Wooo! Haha.
As things calmed down and we were chilling Lee turned to me and said he was starving! My mam and sister were in a waiting room waiting to hear an update so I said why don't you ask them to go get you some food and tell them everything's okay. I knew I had a long road ahead of me still and there was no point in him sitting there starving. So he went out and filled them in on everything and they went off to get him a supermacs, there is one literally right across the road from the hospital.
When your in labour you are hooked up to a monitor that records your babys heartbeat throughout the process. It also records your contractions and how strong they are. I remember watching the recorder every time I got a contraction and compared it to my last to see how I was progressing. It is completely normal for your babys heartbeat to drop while having a contraction as everything inside is trying to push your baby out!
However Cailans heartbeat began to drop in between my contractions which wasn't a good sign. The doctor decided that a blood sample from Cailan had to be taken to determine how badly stressed he was. Before I knew it my legs were up in the stirrups and they were taking blood samples from the top of his head. They told me he would unfortunately feel some pain but only for a couple of seconds. I was so upset. There was so many things running through my mind. Is he okay? Is he in pain? Are they hurting my baby? I just wanted to cuddle him so bad! Again I felt like I had no control over what was going on and I was so scared. I just wanted to hear the words 'Hes okay'! Just them two little words that wasn't much to ask for right?
It felt like forever and a day waiting for someone to come back in with the results! I don't know how I would of got through this without Lee. He was my strength and courage throughout it all. I was and still am blessed to have someone like Lee in my life. The doctor rushed in and explained to me that my baby was in distress that the best thing to do now was to have me go in straight away for an emergency c-section. I became weak and numb all over. I burst into tears and looked at Lee for some strength because at this stage I felt like I had none left. I was terrified. I just couldn't get my head around it all. It almost didn't seem real. Like a horrible nightmare that I would of been happy to wake up from at any point. Lee was sent away to get gowned up for the surgery and I was rolled straight into theater. I remember being surrounded by a scurry of doctors and nurses and of course my midwife but never feeling so alone! I just wanted Lee by my side with him there I felt like I could do anything!
My midwife took the hand that Lee held so tightly for so long and she said this will all be over soon. You will be holding your little boy in no time. With tears streaming down my face the prep had well and truly begun. I was shifted onto the theater table and was giving a top up epidural. This was just to make sure that I was completely numb and unable to feel a thing. The doctors were scrubbed up and ready to begin, the area where I would be sectioned was disinfected and there was only one last thing to check before Lee was allowed back in and that was to test my sensitivity to the knife. My right side I couldn't feel a thing but my left, for some reason just wasn't numbing. Another blow! I really didn't know how much more I could take. I was turned on my left side to allow the top up epidural run down my left side and hopefully take affect. Unfortunately this attempt failed also. The doctor then said we have no other option but to put me asleep!!! I was not being put to sleep. The thought of missing my baby come into this world, hearing him take his first breathe and being the first to hold him killed me. I was refusing but was told I hadn't much choice. The head anesthetist was there and she said we should have enough time to administer a spinal. This is what is normally injected before having a sections. I just looked at her and muttered thank you as I was barely able to talk because I was trying my hardest to fight my tears once again.
The spinal was put in, I was completely numb on both sides and finally fully prepped for my section. At this point Lee was going out of his mind with worry as he was told the prep only usually takes half an hour to an hour and I was much longer then that. Finally Lee was allowed into the room. I remember smiling instantly as I saw him gowned up from head to toe including the little surgery mask! My midwife said get ready for your life to change forever and withing 15-20 minutes he was out.
Due to having so much in my system, two epidurals and a spinal I ended up becoming numb from the neck down and having to be put on oxygen as I was struggling to breathe by myself.
Even though this scared me I knew any minute now my little baby would be safely brought into this world and before I knew it there was cheers from behind the curtain that was placed infront of me and I could here them say hes out! It wasn't until I heard him take his first breathe and with that let out the loudest screech and begin to cry that I became over run again with emotion. Every negative feeling just left my body in an instant and I was filled with every sort of happy and positive emotion that there is to feel. I swallowed a massive lump in my throat and turned to Lee. This is a moment that I will cherish forever. There is not a feeling or word invented to describe that moment of hearing your babys first cry. He was brought up to us for a glance and whisked away to go get cleaned up and weighed. Lee followed the nurse and began to take pictures! He arrived in holding our little baby I will never forget the sense of pride that oozed from him. Lee turned to me and said I know you were looking forward to having the first cuddle but I saved the first kiss for you. How sweet is he? I am such a lucky girl to have someone who is so thoughtful and always thinking of me! After I was stitched up I was moved into a little recovery room where I finally got to have skin to skin with him. He was placed on my chest and I wrapped him up under my nightdress. I was in pure awe as I watched this little baby with massive blue eyes look up at me. I spent my recovery cuddling him and getting to know every inch of his face and hands. I chatted with him and told him I would never ever leave him go, that I loved him more then life itself and I thanked god for sending me one of his angels.
At 7.10pm on the 2nd of February weighing 7pound 10ounces...
Cailan Christopher Nugent was born.
5 days later we were allowed home but dues to pins and needles and becoming numb down my left side I was landed back in hospital for another 5 days. It was first thought that I had bleeding in my spine caused by the epidural but it ended up only being side affects from all the things I was giving during and after labour. I was back in hospital but this time with no baby. Lee was great he was out first thing in the morning and didn't leave until last thing at night so I could spend all my time with Cailan. Being separated form him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Nothing can prepare you for that. Even though I was only away from him during the night it didn't make it any easier. I found myself crying myself to sleep most nights and feeling so down until I saw my little angels face again each morning. Again I can't tell you how great Lee was I knew then he was going to be an amazing father he took it all in his stride. Not only was he left alone for the first time ever with a new baby with no one by his side to help him or tell him what to do. Instinct kicked in and he really shined! I loved him in a new way then before. To watch any man become a father is really something else. When I came home from the hospital again the second time I was finally able to enjoy this new chapter in my life.
I recovered super fast from the surgery and my scar healed quicker then expected. Looking back I know it was not easy but there is not a part of me that wouldn't go through it all again for him. They say every experience you have shapes you for another. I believe mine shaped me for motherhood and to become a stronger person for my new little family.
And that's it guys, my full birth story! Thanks for sticking with it till the end I know its a long one!
Its been quite emotional sitting down and reliving it all again but I'm glad I did. I can't quite believe I will be welcoming another little angel and adding to our little family in just 6 weeks time. Writing this has only made me more excited to meet baby Dylan!