Open Letter To My First Born, Cailan.
It's your mommy here, the one who was first to kiss you but not to hold you (dam, c-section)! I knew from the minute I heard you take your first breath I would truly learn what eternal love is and from that moment on you burst my heart wide open with your gorgeous little button nose, plump puckered lips and hands so small that I held all night long... just because I could. I wish you could feel the depth of my love for you, even though I try every day to show you how much I really do I somehow feel that it won't be until the day your blessed with your own child will you ever truly understand my love for you.
From the moment I laid eyes on you, you became my everything. When you came into this world you changed it all. You are the first who made me forget about me, that selfish person who loved nothing more then to spend their days sleeping and nights partying. I was more then happy and ready to put my selfish days behind me and devote myself 100% to loving you and raising you with all the love and attention that I was physically capable of. I'd like to think I've been doing a good job because as we fast forward to now. You my angel are the most loving, caring, intelligent, funny and witted little person I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life.
When I became pregnant with your little brother I felt a certain guilt that you would no longer have my undivided attention as your mom. So please when I'm feeding Dylan and you want me to play cars don't get frustrated with me just know that there is room in my heart for you both! Even though, 'I love you more then anyone else in this world' is sadly not going to be something you will hear me say anymore, nor will you hear me say 'Your my most favourite person in the world' as your brother Dylan has joined our little family but Cai you will always be my first.
You will be the first...
Baby I burped,
Nappy I changed,
Nose I cleaned,
Baby I bathed,
Hand I held,
Toes I kissed,
Baby I read endless stories too,
That made me laugh so uncontrollably my sides split,
Person I thought to roll, crawl and walk.
The list really goes on my love, you will always be my first.
Nothing makes me happier then seeing your little face poke out of your bedroom door every morning to greet me and your daddy as we come down the stairs. You are never grumpy and always full of life. Even at 6 in the morning!
I can't tell you how excited it makes me to see what sort of adventure you will bring me on today. You darling, have the most colourful, vivid and fun imagination and I love to step into your world whether we are acting like monkeys or pretending to swim and build sand castles I live for our adventures and all the ones we are soon to have.
I love how I learned even after you've ate and I'm making my own breakfast/lunch I will always make some extra as I will have two bulging eyes and two perfect little hands straight out once I sit to eat. You make me giggle and laugh everyday. Cai if it's one thing you got from your Daddy its his sense of humor. It's one of the many things that made me fall head over heels in love with your Dad and too see you growing, with so many likenesses of him makes me so proud and quite emotional. I can only hope you grow to be like him with parts of me of course. I'd like to think you get your sensitive side from me. Even though your so small you have a massive sense of empathy for other people which gravites and pulls everyone towards you with your loving nature. You will not take a biscuit off your Daddy unless he has one for me too and vice versa. You've even now started asking for one for Dylan too, what a kind, thoughtful and loving big brother you are.
Speaking of being a big brother, what a big brother you've become. I know no matter what happens you will always have Dylan's back and he will always have yours. You will be best friends and explorers, sharing your little secrets, like knowing who hid the remote or where the last cookies went?
Oh, I can see the devilment the two of you will get up too and I am so looking forward to watching these events unfold.
My heart is full today, it was yesterday and it will be tomorrow and that is because of you. It is full of anticipation for what the future holds for you and its full of thankfulness that god entrusted me with you.
No matter what I may accomplish with my life I will always be a mom first! It is and always will be my biggest accomplishment in life. I have so many hopes and dreams for you but most importantly I hope you live out your own. I will be here for you 100% with whatever you choose to do in life, I will love and support you in every way possible. There won't be a road traveled alone my love as I will always be with you and that is with all aspects of life!
Cailan you deserve the earth, moon and stars and I promise as long I am privileged to be your mom I will strive to get them for you!
Cailan you, you will always be my first.
I love you Caibear.
Until next time,