Then others... well that's why I'm sitting here writing today. I have been on the edge of a burnout for months now. I could just feel it coming a mile away and masked it with over eating, which in turn fed my anxiety and the viscous circle continued until I hurdled out of my warped sense of reality and hit the ground hard.
You may have noticed that I have been absent on all of my social medias. I just needed a brake, I just needed to take time for me. Which is something I never do. I actually felt guilty if I was doing something for me but let me take you back to the catalyst of it all.
I was sitting down while dinner was in the oven. Cai was watching the iPad and Dylan was in his walker. I felt this anxious wave of confusion. Do I snapchat or blog? This was my daily dilemma. I picked up my phone as I waited for the laptop to turn on. I peeped in on Cai who was sitting contently watching some child open a kinder egg larger then herself. Dylan was exploring happily so I was happy. I picked up the phone about to snapchat and then boom. I felt this rush of guilt flood through my body. 'What am I doing?'. I kept asking myself over and over until I broke. I was so focused on what I could be doing instead of what I should be doing. Suddenly my daily dilemma seemed like not such a dilemma anymore. I put the phone down and its been hard to pick it up since.
As I mentioned above I could feel this burnout coming along time and this was just the final straw on the camels back (me being the camel obviously) . I had so many things going on. Trust me this was not the only reason, I was over working myself in every aspect. I didn't give myself so much as 5 minutes a day to just mentally chill out. When I went to bed I was over thinking everything. Planing the day that was to come. Then over thinking some more.
I guess when I put down the phone I realised what was important. I needed to just take time out and take care of me. I needed to just sit back take some time and spend time on whats important.
I have always struggled with balance. Balancing is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses. I don't know if I will become an expert at it or even get good at balancing everything but I will continue to try. I guess whats most important is that I learn to prioritise whats most important and thats what I have been working on.
I love blogging there is nothing more therapeutic for me then pulling the laptop out sitting down and writing. I love it, its my absolute passion and my favourite hobby in the whole world but I guess that's what I have to remember it is only a hobby for me and thats what I needed to remind myself. So I'm going back to basics. I'm going to try my best to blog 2-3 times a week but I am not setting it in stone. I am not adding another unnecessary pressure to myself. I always feel guilty when I'm getting my content out there. I began this journey over a year ago now to share my journey, document my life and just have my own little space on the internet to rant and rave. That't what I'm going back to.
I am also adding a new series to my blog. Each week I will be updating you on life, the kids and everything that follows us in-between. It will be like a week in the life blog. So I won't have to sit down every so often and write one of these (haha).
Anyways just wanted to keep you back in the life. I feel like even with the blog I fell way of the beating track but I'm back with a clear head and almost a page full of post ideas. Prepare for some changes.
It's time to get excited again..
Snapchat - CuddleNContour