Wednesday, 7 September 2016

When life takes over...

I'm just going to jump straight into it with you guys.  I promised to always be truthful and say how it is really like.  Sometimes life is amazing and great and all you want to do is live in that moment for the rest of your life.
Then others... well that's why I'm sitting here writing today.  I have been on the edge of a burnout for months now.  I could just feel it coming a mile away and masked it with over eating, which in turn fed my anxiety and the viscous circle continued until I hurdled out of my warped sense of reality and hit the ground hard.

You may have noticed that I have been absent on all of my social medias.  I just needed a brake, I just needed to take time for me.  Which is something I never do.  I actually felt guilty if I was doing something for me but let me take you back to the catalyst of it all.

I was sitting down while dinner was in the oven.  Cai was watching the iPad and Dylan was in his walker.  I felt this anxious wave of confusion.  Do I snapchat or blog?  This was my daily dilemma.  I picked up my phone as I waited for the laptop to turn on.  I peeped in on Cai who was sitting contently watching some child open a kinder egg larger then herself.  Dylan was exploring happily so I was happy.  I picked up the phone about to snapchat and then boom.  I felt this rush of guilt flood through my body.  'What am I doing?'.  I kept asking myself over and over until I broke.  I was so focused on what I could be doing instead of what I should be doing.  Suddenly my daily dilemma seemed like not such a dilemma anymore.  I put the phone down and its been hard to pick it up since.

As I mentioned above I could feel this burnout coming along time and this was just the final straw on the camels back (me being the camel obviously) .  I had so many things going on.  Trust me this was not the only reason, I was over working myself in every aspect.  I didn't give myself so much as 5 minutes a day to just mentally chill out.  When I went to bed I was over thinking everything.  Planing the day that was to come.  Then over thinking some more.

I guess when I put down the phone I realised what was important.  I needed to just take time out and take care of me.  I needed to just sit back take some time and spend time on whats important.

I have always struggled with balance.  Balancing is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses.  I don't know if I will become an expert at it or even get good at balancing everything but I will continue to try.  I guess whats most important is that I learn to prioritise whats most important and thats what I have been working on.

I love blogging there is nothing more therapeutic for me then pulling the laptop out sitting down and writing.  I love it, its my absolute passion and my favourite hobby in the whole world but I guess that's what I have to remember it is only a hobby for me and thats what I needed to remind myself.  So I'm going back to basics.  I'm going to try my best to blog 2-3 times a week but I am not setting it in stone.  I am not adding another unnecessary pressure to myself.  I always feel guilty when I'm getting my content out there.  I began this journey over a year ago now to share my journey, document my life and just have my own little space on the internet to rant and rave.  That't what I'm going back to.

I am also adding a new series to my blog.  Each week I will be updating you on life, the kids and everything that follows us in-between.  It will be like a week in the life blog.  So I won't have to sit down every so often and write one of these (haha).

Anyways just wanted to keep you back in the life.  I feel like even with the blog I fell way of the beating track but I'm back with a clear head and almost a page full of post ideas.  Prepare for some changes.

It's time to get excited again..











Lisa x


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