Sunday, 15 October 2017

Letting a Dream Die



I grew up in the 90's, we had jelly shoes, blow up back packs and Sabrina The Teenage Witch.  I grew up in a time where every movie had a happy ending and every princess was swept from there despair to live happily ever after.  I had the best life growing up I could have ever asked for and then some. 
I always dreamed of what my life would be like when I was 20!  I mean when you are 9,10, 11 or even 14 your twenties seem so far away.  Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would always answer the same two things a Fashion Designer or an Interior Designer.  I loved to draw as far back as I can remember and I was encouraged to draw by my nanny, and my parents almost everyday!  Of course I received countless amounts of praise for everything I drew which only made my passion grow stronger.  I honestly felt in my gut that I would never do anything else apart from something in design, in my mind I was always an artist.



I also pictured the perfect house filled with kids and an amazing husband where he would go to work each day and I would stay at home to raise the kids.  I guess a lot of us dream about having the relationship that our parents had.  My parents always showed each other everyday that they loved one another and not a single day went by that we weren't told we were loved!  I knew, I knew from such an early age that I wanted to be a mom.  I dreamed of the perfect day where I would marry my prince charming in the most perfect white dress and we would go on to live a happy life and start a family together and we would all live happily ever after.







Then I grew up...




Life happened I guess and suddenly it felt like over night the simplicity of life was gone.  I can't tell you when exactly I felt like I was an adult but I guess it happened right around the time I got pregnant on Cailan.

Let me take you back to right before Lee and myself found it we were expecting.  We had been together for 10/11 months and we had just been living out together in student accommodation over the Summer.  It was the cheapest place we could find at the time!  We had a three bedroom, two bathroom apartment all to ourselves.  We felt like we had just won the lotto.  I can't tell you how amazing those few months were.  We we're learning so much about each other and I guess you could say we we're falling deeper and deeper in love everyday. 
The story of how I found out I was pregnant is a little crazy and one that deserves its own blogpost but to say it came as a shock to us both is an understatement.  We we're both 20 years of age.  Not quite teenagers but still not feeling like adults we we're stuck in that middle where we acted like kids but wanted to live like an adult... kind of!   We had absolutely no responsibilities apart from paying our rent.  We both weren't working at the time so we basically slept when we wanted, ate when we wanted and partied when we wanted as I said we had no responsibilities we were just truly enjoying life for what it was!






I can tell you now when I first found out I was pregnant I was overcome with so much emotion I was numb.  I actually remember feeling so numb that I couldn't feel anything at all.  It took a while to sink in and the more time that passed and the more people I told the more excited and less scared I became.  However I still had no idea just how much our life's would change when Cailan would get here.
There's not a thing on this earth that could make me consider changing anything that happened, I am a true believer in 'Everything Happens For a Reason'. 

So flash forward to now I have been blessed with two beautiful children, I'm still in a very happy and healthy relationship with Lee, we don't own our own home yet but we dam well work hard to rent the one that we do have!
It wasn't until recently I became truly happy within myself because I let my dreams die.  I realized I was still holding onto the dreams of 9 year old Lisa.  So I never became the artist I always wanted to be but I did become a makeup artist so maybe that's the one I was supposed to be all along, instead of a paint brush maybe it was supposed to be a makeup brush!  So what if I didn't get married first, and own my own house before I had babies.  So bloody what!!!  I have two beautiful children now that I couldn't possibly dream of loving anymore if I tried!  I have a man that did sweep me off my feet from the moment I met him 8 years ago but is our relationship perfect no? But I mean who's is really? 
As people we evolve everyday and when your as young as we were getting together we still had no idea who we were.  I think thats the hardest thing about being in a serious relationship so young, its learning to support and encourage the other person as they grow and evolve into the person they want to be.






Don't be afraid to let your dreams die because sometimes dreams can be so far from reality.  Now don't get me wrong I'm not asking you to give up on everything you want in life.  Just don't be afraid to let go of those unrealistic expectations you have set for yourself so early on in life.  Whether you may know it or not because I didn't realise I was until I sat in bed the other night and my mind kept wondering back to 9 year old me.  The young, naive and carefree little me.  If I could of only told her one thing it would be 'Don't be afraid of anything that makes you scared'. 
Life is for living so don't dwell on the things that you haven't accomplished yet in life and praise yourself for the things that you have.  Set yourselves realistic and reachable targets to help you get to where you want to be.


Sometimes you just have to let a dream die to appreciate your reality.



Until next time,
Lisa.
x

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