Friday, 1 June 2018

To the struggling new mom.



I recently received a dm on Instagram from a follower that almost broke my heart.  The rawness and truth of her message took me right back to when I first had become a new mom.  
She in her own words 'got the courage' to message me after I uploaded a post on insta which I will link HERE for anyone interested.  It was just a little supportive message for all my fellow moms out there.

The message resignated with me so much because I too was once in her shoes.  I not too long ago cried the same tears and felt stuck and very alone in my situation.  So I guess I felt like writing a little message for all you new moms or dads if your reading this that EVERYTHING will get better.


Don't get me wrong becoming a parent has been the best thing that has ever happened me and I honestly don't know who I would be without them.  However that doesn't mean it wasn't a struggle at the beginning.  It doesn't mean that all those nights I stayed up all through the night because my son was sick or just wouldn't sleep, didn't happen because they very much did and at the beginning they happened very often.
The truth is a newborn baby is very needy.  The baby literally depends on you for everything.  That can be mentally draining in itself and its okay to feel that way.  Nobody expects you to fall straight into motherhood prepared and equipped for the emotional rollercoaster your about to go on. Honestly I remember back to when I had my first and he was only about 5 or 6 weeks old.  I was so sleep deprived, I hadn't showered in days my only hot meals came from a delivery man or a mircowave, I was emotionally unstable and hormonally imbalanced.  I was on a loop feeding him every 2-3 hours.  I was sitting on my sofa, Lee was back in work and it was my turn the night before to do the night feeds (we took it in turns to do them) and Cailan this gorgeous, innocent totally dependent little baby just wouldn't stop crying.  I tried everything from winding to feeding but nothing was working.  I broke and I just started crying.  Now I'm talking ugly howling kim kardashian crying and I literally had to put him into his mose's basket and walk away.  I came into the hall and sat on my floor and ugly cried some more. I sat there for what felt like a few minutes but in reality it was only probably a few seconds until I got myself together. I came back in and looked at my beautiful baby, he yawned and right after, he cracked his first little smile.  It was probably just wind but I then remember thinking oh god how did I get so lucky to get to be this gorgeous little mans mommy... and I cried again.






Being a new mom is not easy.  Nobody tells you how hard it actually can be.  I always remember people telling me about where the best place to get a buggy is or what the best formula is or how quickly time passes by but nobody EVER goes into what its really like.

Being a new mom is hard for many reasons but the main one I think for anyone besides the sleep deprivation or accepting you new mom tum is the fact its all NEW.
For most new moms knowing what to feed or how to care for your baby can be the most stressful of all.  Should I breast feed or bottle feed? Are they still breathing?  Trust me, you will check to see if your baby is breathing more times then you can count.  I remember I used to have a small cosmetics mirror I would keep next to my bedside table so I could check to see if he was breathing. 
Am I after getting up all their wind?  Are they going to the toilet as much as they should?  Oh, trust me the list of questions go on and on.  
The important thing to really remember here is be realistic and follow your gut.  Their is nothing stronger then a mothers intuition so trust it.  If you feel breast is best go for it don't listen to what Bridie, Bridget and Maggie down the road thinks is best.  
The amazing thing about motherhood is making that bond with your baby.  Remember your baby is a stranger so its not uncommon to not feel like there's a bond with them straight away.  You will soon get to know them and all their little traits that make them so unique.  As I mentioned above its so important to remain realistic.  Its to easy especially in today's society where there are so many insta perfect mothers with their perfectly white clean houses and makeup and hair done and their kids are always clean and their always going to play dates or mommy groups, to get caught up in the comparison game.  Honestly I don't believe that insta perfect mom really exists.  Its all bull if you ask me.  There staged photos and I guarantee you that last weeks washing is piled on the other half of the sofa they ain't showing you...!!  I always tell new moms when I'm chatting to them that any day you feed your baby and you is a great day.  Everything else is a bonus!

So remember being a new mom is a lot harder then it looks.  It will be the biggest reality check of your life.  The experience will ground you and open your eyes up to what really matters in this world.  For me its family and everyone I get to share this amazing experience with.  Motherhood has provided me with some of my biggest life lessons, its been a learning curve and in all honestly has completely shaped me into the women that you see before you right now. So even though the first few weeks and even months can be exceptionally hard I wouldn't change them for the world because you know if you can deal with those then anything else in your life becomes a piece a cake after that!

Just know that if you are a new mom reading this then you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are thinking.  I too have been there and I'm pretty sure in some form or another so has every other mom.  Just know that you are nurturing and caring for a tiny little human that one day will turn around and say 'i love you' or call you 'mom' over and over and over again.  There might be no thanks at the beginning but it comes... oh trust me when your child turns to you and tells you that your the most amazing mom in the world.  That's when its all becomes worth it.  

So to the struggling new mom... you are killing it.  






Until Next Time,

Lisa.





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